Ever wonder why intelligent life from other planets has failed to pay us a visit yet? It’s simple—they’re terrified of us. Here are just five obvious reasons why we won’t be getting any surprise extra-terrestrial visits in the near future.

1. 12,000,000 humans voted for Donald Trump in the 2016 Presidential primaries. Sure, he’s entertaining. But these people actually got up off the couch and marched over to a polling booth to vote for him. That’s scary as hell. Who knows what else these people could be up to?
2. Honey Boo Boo is being considered for another Reality TV series. Aliens aren’t stupid, but they’re just as confused as we are about what human TV viewers consider reality . . . and Reality TV. One which clearly is not the other. But we call them the same anyway . . . I’m confused just writing about it.
3. Bush Meat. Think about it. We eat everything that moves—including fuzzy little baby monkeys. Aliens know they could be next on the menu. There must be better places than Earth for a sleep over.
4. Kim Jong-un’s haircut. Not only is it brutally unfashionable —but the dictator of North Korea has required by law that all other males in the country adopt the same style, refusal punishable by imprisonment. I’m not making that up.
5. Our obsession with smart phones. It’s a computer, a tool—but we can’t seem to take our eyes off those tiny stupid screens. Eleven teens a day die from texting while driving. Last year: 1.6 million car crashes caused by cell phone use according to the National Safety Council. When the aliens do come, we won’t even notice. We’ll have our heads down, checking our Facebook status.

 

This post was published by Theo Cage. Check out his latest thriller novel, GHOST OF A GIRL on AMAZON.  “Holy cow! I picked it up and started reading, and now I don’t want to do anything else! Great story . . .” Amazon reader.